RuPaul’s question makes an excellent point. Many years ago, it made me realize that I didn’t love myself. In short, I was my own worst enemy. Insecure, ashamed of being emotionally broken by my upbringing, and because my body type didn’t fit the mold of what society considered attractive. This led to consecutive poor choices in the realm of romantic relationships. I reached my limit in 2011, and took the first step of loving myself: listening to my gut.
At the time, I was four years into an incredibly unhappy relationship. It shouldn’t have lasted past the two year mark, but I was determined to stick it out. All of the while, my gut instinct told me it was over. Guess I was a slow learner (oops!). Nobody’s perfect, right?
What finally made me listen? An adorable couple with a baby in a goofy little sun hat.
He and I were walking down Wollaston Beach on a warm July afternoon, when the couple with the baby approached me. They asked me to take their photo, and once I agreed, they handed me the camera. While taking their photo, it was obvious how very much in love and happy they were with their life together. My unhappiness hit me like a ton of bricks, reminding me that a future with him was not an option. After arriving home from our walk, I told him it was over and why. After a few days of crying out my sense of failure, life went on, and I promised never to doubt my gut instinct ever again.
Since this experience, I’ve found greater confidence, and began to embrace the whole woman that I am. Roller derby has certainly had a hand in the process (thanks!). Insecurity still lingers at times, and it’s a struggle. It’s something many people battle on a daily basis. What’s important is working past the “less than” feeling, and realizing how fantastic we really are. If I ever need a reminder, I refer back to this page of really nice things written by my leaguemates during a team building exercise at the 2014 MARD retreat.
Listening to motivational podcasts is something else I find helpful. Lewis Howes’s School of Greatness is amazing, and features people from all walks of life, discussing their journey to success. Check it out here.
It’s 2016; now what?
Find your fantastic, in any form. This year, one of my biggest goals in finding the fantastic is being open to possibility in all situations. That’s exactly why I was excited to share this week with everyone.
This week started by skating on a Sunday night at Chez Vous, which is the equivalent of roller skating heaven. Sunday nights are 18+, and their DJ plays old school hip hop and R&B. There was a 10-15 minute montage of Erykah Badu! Those who know me understand why my heart is truly happy there. The added bonus was hanging out with a former teammate and excellent friend!
On the derby front, our level two skaters assessed, and ALL four of them passed! I’m super excited for all of them, as their next stage of the derby journey begins. Also, we’re the cutest.
Great photo, Luis Mendizibal! Check out more at FotosbyMendi.blogspot.com
The opportunity to get my nerd on at trivia with another great friend was lots of fun. Looks like we’re going to start a regular team. Otherwise, I had an underwhelming but funny date (a note to self: only date 30+, haha) and went ballroom dancing with a couple of friends.
You guys! If you’ve never been ballroom dancing, DO IT! It’s an excellent workout, and having sweet moves on the dancefloor never hurts. About 10 years ago, I had taken lessons by myself and had a blast. I was a bit nervous, but it was a great time. If you’re in the area, you should check out Fred Astaire Dance Studio in Franklin, MA.
I love this dress. It was a wise choice for dancing!
Overall, I can say the week was pretty fantastic! Here’s how it translated on the scale:
Starting weight: 222 lbs
1/16/16 weigh-in: 213 lbs
1/23/16 weigh-in: 210 lbs
Amount lost to date: 12 lbs
Despite the snow, I’m staying focused. So glad to have skating and the gym.
For those who were wondering about the kinds of foods I’ve been eating, here are a few photos.
Left to right: cinnamon raisin Ezekiel English muffin with plain Justin’s Almond Butter, with fresh beet, apple, carrot juice; roasted sweet potatoes with smoked paprika, topped with hardboiled eggs with broccoli and parmesan cheese; quinoa, the super grain!
“Let’s love ourselves and we can’t fail
To make a better situation
Tomorrow, our seeds will grow
All we need is dedication.”